I was speaking with a business owner who is struggling. But not in the way you might think.
He’s successful. Good clients. Solid revenue. A strong reputation.
But the spark is gone.
In his words, he’d “lost the fight”. And that was starting to affect motivation and growth.
At one point he said, “I know what I need to do, but I just don’t seem to be motivated.” Later, he added, “I hate to lose. Maybe things need to get bad enough for me to get a kick in the backside.”
That told me everything.
This wasn’t a capability issue. It was a mindset issue. And nothing would change unless he decided to change.
I’ve seen this pattern often. And I’ve felt it myself at times. The fight doesn’t disappear. It just goes quiet when the motivation driving it isn’t being triggered.
Which leads to the real point.
Your results, in business or anywhere else, are rarely limited by skill. They’re limited by mindset. Specifically, what drives you to act when things get uncomfortable.
Do you want to win… or do you just hate the idea of losing?
Those are not the same thing.
In NLP, we talk about the toward–away continuum.
Some people are motivated by moving toward something they want. Growth. Improvement. Opportunity. Being better than yesterday.
Others are motivated by moving away from something they fear. Loss. Failure. Embarrassment. Regret.
Neither is right or wrong. But not knowing which one runs you is costly.
He put it bluntly. “What would give me a kick in the backside right now?”
A classic away-from statement.
If you’re motivated by winning, you respond to possibility. You lean forward when someone talks about what could be built, improved, or unlocked.
If you’re motivated by avoiding loss, it’s different. You act when the pain of staying the same becomes unacceptable. When not acting feels riskier than acting.
Now, this is where buying decisions are won or lost.
Most sales conversations fail not because the offer is wrong, the price is too high, or the timing is off.
They fail because the message is framed for the wrong motivational driver.
We talk to people the way we are motivated… not the way they are.
Speak to a toward person using fear, loss, and FOMO, and you’ll irritate them. They’ll feel manipulated and pushed.
Speak to an away person using upside, vision, and blue-sky outcomes, and it won’t land. It feels abstract. Optional. Easy to defer.
Same message. Completely different response.
There’s a subtle twist worth paying attention to.
Some people who sound like toward people are actually away-from people.
They talk about goals and outcomes at first. But if you listen closely, the language shifts.
“I don’t want to miss out.”
“I can’t afford to fall behind.”
“I don’t want this to become a problem later.”
That’s not moving toward. That’s moving away… with a mask on.
Miss that shift, and you’ll keep presenting the wrong case. You’ll add more logic, more detail, more reassurance… and still get hesitation.
Not because they don’t see the value.
But because you’re speaking to the wrong emotional driver.
This is why deals stall at the finish line.
The buyer agrees with you intellectually, but doesn’t feel compelled to act.
The decision hasn’t been anchored to what actually moves them.
Get this right, and buying decisions feel natural. Timelines shorten. Resistance drops.
Get it wrong, and no amount of persuasion will get them to commit.
Rashid.
