There’s an outdated belief in sales that building rapport is critical to your success. That if you spend enough time bonding with your prospect and are liked, they’ll naturally come around and do business with you.

But that’s only half the truth.

Yes, rapport matters. But if you stay stuck in rapport without taking the lead, you’ll find yourself in polite conversations that never convert into outcomes.

Let me illustrate this with a real-world example.

I’ve been working with a young consultant from a property buying firm. He told me he was struggling with seasoned real estate agents who were blocking deals. He’d built good rapport. They liked him. Told him he was different from other buyers’ agents. More respectful. Easy to deal with.

But when push came to shove, when it was time to progress the deal, they’d pull rank.

“Mate, I’ve been doing this 20 years. Who are you to tell me how this should be done?”

He was being liked but not respected.

And that’s the trap. Because while he thought he was doing the right thing by building relationships, what he didn’t realise was that rapport without leadership was costing him deals.

So, I told him three things:

  1. You’re the buyer. You control the process.​
    The agent’s client is the seller. But you’re representing the buyer’s interests. Without a buyer, there is no deal. Remember that.
  2. Rapport without authority cedes control.​
    If you don’t assert your role and lead the conversation, you’ll be pulled into their agenda, and that rarely works in your favour.
  3. Use NLP’s Pace and Lead principle.​
    NLP teaches that influence starts with pacing – matching and meeting the other person where they’re at. But once you’ve established rapport, you must lead. Otherwise, you’re just another friendly voice being pulled along for the ride.

My advice?

Don’t confuse being liked with being taken seriously. In sales, especially high-value, complex deals, you must earn the right to guide the conversation and drive toward a result.

Because being liked might get you a lunch.
But being respected? That gets you the deal.

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